Before talking about why we make the same mistakes over, it feels right to define what a mistake even is, right? 

Well the problem is despite the dictionaries attempt, we don’t really have a universal definition for mistake. 

We all define a mistake based on our own expectations of ourselves and our lives, and that’s what makes understanding mistakes and failure so complicated - because we’re complicated.

But let’s be real - regardless of how you define mistakes, and to what size, I think we can all agree that as broken human beings we all make them. 

Sometimes, we are even in a season where we feel we make many. Perhaps not just many, but also over and over…and well, over again. You might even ask yourself, “WTF?” 

I’ve been there.

Last winter, while the ground was padded with thick ice and snow and I thought I’d never see the light of day again here in New England, I was in a season of making the same mistakes over and over like a record player.

I drank three cups of coffee and worked on cracking the code till two in the morning, until I was satisfied with my answer.

Let’s work on the relationships with OURSELVES.

Rest assured friends, I've taken some space away from my, “solve all the problems of the world” mental state and re-reflected and refined this list almost a year later - and I’ve put these too the test over the last many months and have been super excited to share the results with you, you ready? 

Step One: Positive Reflection, Actionable Change

When we make a mistake we tend to focus on the negative, and negative thinking isn’t very motivating, and sometimes the positive approach or solution is more intimidating than the mistake itself. 

Perhaps you keep being late for appointments, or you continue to let someone take advantage of you, and yet, you don’t set boundaries. 

Try this, “I’m glad I’ve recognized and am now aware that I am late to appointments, I’m going to set a goal to leave fifteen minutes earlier than usual, so that I benefit the people around me, and I don’t inconvenience their day. I know this will also help my stress for the day, and maybe some guilt” 

Focusing on how this change can be better for you and others in the long run is a great motivator - choosing the future over the present desires, temptations or muscle memory choices can impact our goals and where we are trying to head in life.

Step Two: Preventative Measures

Now, I know we can’t wrap ourselves up in bubble wrap to protect ourselves, but we can remove some of the sharp objects in our paths. Ask yourself what preventative measures can you take to help avoid temptations or common muscle memory?

• If you are frustrated with your habit of eating poorly or too much junk food, take a deep breath, and throw out all the unhealthy stuff in the trash (and spray it with cleaning products for good measure). I’m half kidding.
• If you are always late, spend five minutes setting extra alarms on your phone until you get your body on a better time schedule.
• If you are frustrated with a communication issue with a partner, set a weekly dinner date up where you talk about different highs and lows in the relationship, in the hopes of better understanding how to control and amend future problems.

Step Three: Give Yourself The Gift of Time

The real reality to repeating the same mistakes often lies in the belief that we don’t feel worthy to amend a trait, habit or give ourselves the time to do so. 

We don’t love ourselves enough to make space to have reflection, positive conversations and remove the sharp objects. 

Instead we avoid the hard conversations, uncomfortable work emails and stay quiet at the dinner table instead of setting boundaries or discussing how we really feel.

Written by Sarah Edwards. Want to get to know me? Say hi! https://liinks.co/setapartcompany

This article was originally posted for Set Apart Magazine at www.setapartcompany.com

Disclaimer: Sarah Edwards is not a certified or licensed mental health professional. Rather someone sharing real life experience and findings for others to find commonality and seek actionable steps needed for them.